August 2, 2007
Of such an one will I glory: yet of myself I will not glory, but in mine infirmities…Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. 2 Corinthians 12:5 and 2:12
photo credit: www.smiles4everyone.com
In the middle of the night, I have been awakened. The pain alone does not wake me; it is accompanied by my search for an answer to jaw pain. I don’t understand why it will not resolve.
I learned in my counseling classes to never ask why. Why can cause people to become defensive. People are seldom able to give the real reason behind the question why. Knowing that God has all the answers, I ask Him why I have pain in the same area as trigeminal neuralgia. I have not received an answer.
From doing my internship at the Trigeminal Neuralgia Association, I got quite an education in the physiology of facial pain. I learned that four types of pain travel along the trigeminal nerve pathway: trigeminal neuralgia (TN); myofascial (or connective tissue) pain; jaw pain; and tooth pain. Often it is extremely difficult to distinguish one type of pain from another because the symptoms overlap.
This jaw pain prevents me from doing some things that trigeminal neuralgia stopped me from doing. Many times I cannot talk. This is the most frustrating situation. I enjoy being healed from TN. Being healed means I can sing, chew, talk, and kiss my husband. Before TN, I had taken these things for granted. I am still healed of TN, but once again it is difficult to talk, to chew, to sing, to kiss my husband. My jaw dysfunction prevents these activities.
I remember times when I walked outside and yelled “Thank You for healing me, God! Thank You!” My praise seemed too big for my house. I wanted to shout it from my rooftop. I still say praise God, but my words are silent. I am thankful that God hears them anyway.
Right or wrong, I am still asking God why my jaw hurts. I want so badly to work for His kingdom. I want to teach; I want to provide counseling. I want to help comfort others. Some people wonder how counselors can help others if they have issues. Counselors need to be able to recognize when they need counseling. I need it now; I especially need God’s counsel. My body is too weak to use the talents He has given me. I need God’s help to reconcile this in my mind. I need His help to find more pleasure in this situation.
I thank God for living in a world where the Internet helps us communicate. In spite of not being able to talk, I can still write. I know there are many people with similar frustrations. We need one another for support. I would like to hear from others who have facial pain.
I am glad I have God’s support. His word tells us to take pleasure in our infirmities. I take pleasure in God’s strength. I thank Him for sustaining me in the midst of distress. God’s grace is sufficient for me. I say Hallelujah, regardless of circumstances!
Have you read With Great Mercy?