October 24, 2007
Are not my days few? cease then, and let me alone, that I may take comfort a little, Before I go whence I shall not return, even to the land of darkness and the shadow of death; A land of darkness, as darkness itself; and of the shadow of death, without any order, and where the light is as darkness. Job 10:20-22.
People who have experienced trigeminal neuralgia or neuropathic facial pain understand that it does not cause death. It is not unusual for those who endure this pain to think about suicide. When I was ill, I prayed to die often. Some people evaluated this prayer and called it depression. People who used this label had not experienced trigeminal pain.
Depression often accompanies facial pain. In my own life and from listening to others, I am convinced that depression results from the pain. For those of us know this torment, we see dying as a relief from suffering, stepping from the shadow of death into the Father’s light. This is what I wanted for myself, to die and awake in Heaven.
When I see Mary Ann and so many others with cancer fighting for their lives, I am impressed by their determination to live. They resist the shadow of death, making the best of the here and now. I don’t remember the day that I stopped praying to die, but I do remember asking God to help me live. I asked Him to intervene so that I would not perish. Three years ago today, God answered that prayer. I will never forget it. He brought me out of the shadow of death and into His life-giving light.
I cannot thank Him enough or praise the Lord enough for His healing and His love. What I want to do is serve Him by helping others who have had so much pain. I cannot cure anyone or give medical advice, but I can meet someone in a place that defies location, a place of understanding and acceptance. We don’t have to meet face to face. Communication transcends distance. Because I have received such a large portion of God’s mercy, my desire is to help people with facial pain and other disabilities.
I haven’t written much in my blog lately because I am preparing for a test. It is October 27th and 29th. If you would like to say a prayer for me, I would really appreciate it. If the test has come and gone when you read this entry, and you will say a prayer for me, I would really appreciate it. Just ask God to help me help others.
Blessings to you all. Thank God, I am free from trigeminal neuralgia. Free indeed!
Have you read With Great Mercy?