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If you would like to respond to Kathy's blog, you may do so on the forum. We would love to hear from you. Please sign up for membership at this link. 2005 entries • 2006 entries • 2007 entries December 19, 2007 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4. Life is full of its many seasons. Although some are really difficult, we can find beauty that surfaced even during the tough times, the times when we weep. What can one do, though, when so many seasons seem to occur simultaneously? For my family and me, this December has been a time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance. Today is a day of mourning as well as a day of celebration. I just got home from my mother-in-law’s memorial service. As a family, we came together to mourn our loss and to celebrate Millie’s “graduation.” That’s what her son Roger called it. He said that we were just saying “see you later” until we reach the home beyond this one. We laughed together and cried together. It was only ten days ago that I was ordained, December 9th. It was a day to dance with the joy of the Lord. Immediately preceding my ordination, I wrestled with the message that God had given me to share with my church. So many times I wanted to tell my pastor: “I’m not called to preach! God has given me other gifts, but not the gift of preaching!” As I prepared the sermon, I groaned, I moaned, and I wept. How can one deliver a sermon she does not understand? Breakthrough came, and God revealed to me the depth of the message. Just before I was to deliver the message to the congregation, my pastor, Reverend Robin Tripp, Thelma Hensley, Becky Clark, and Amanda Ramos sang It’s My Desire. I was not familiar with the song, but the words of it penetrated my spirit. IT'S MY DESIRE Even though it was a time to dance, I wanted to weep. While the worship team sang the song, I fought back tears. I came home, though, and purchased every rendition of it I could find. It was a time to be blessed, and I was blessed by this song. In the midst of the Christmas season, life and death march on. I have wanted to stop for a “breather,” but the opportunity has not existed. I’ve wondered how people manage to celebrate Christmas when a loved one passes so close to Christmas Day, but now I know. God’s grace is sufficient for every season, even when they merge into one. God bless you this Christmas. I’d like to share with you the brief tribute my husband Bob paid to his mother today. In honor of Millie Taylor…
Have you read With Great Mercy? November 2, 2007 I will bring the blind by a way they did not know; I will lead them in paths they have not known. I will make darkness light before them, And crooked places straight. These things I will do for them, And not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16 (NKJV) Sometimes I am totally blind. My eyes see, but they don’t know where to lead me. My path is etched, but I do not see it. These are the times that challenge me the most: I want to take my next step, but I can’t see it. I must remain where I am and wait for the Lord’s direction. Most people don’t like to wait, and I am one of them. One reason that waiting frustrates me so is that years of my life were stolen by trigeminal neuralgia. Now that God has healed me, I want to charge ahead. I want to pursue life. I know that my waiting has a purpose. I must continue to pursue God and His will. This includes taking stock of His blessings. While I wait for direction, I can take inventory of my life and see what God has done for me. If I really want to see these blessings, I must take the time to look. As I write, the words to a song come to my mind: I can’t even walk. It’s a song that has been around a long time, but I was unfamiliar with it until I heard my cousin, Gregory Whitson, sing it. Here are the words, written by Colbert and Joyce Croft: I thought that number one would surely be me, Have you ever asked God to hold your hand? Last blog entry, I wrote about a test. I felt prepared and confident, but when I arrived at the testing site, something unexpected happened. As a result, I could not concentrate. I realized that if God did not help me, I would have no chance in succeeding. I no longer felt prepared, only humbled. I don’t know if I passed or not, but I know that God gave me comfort through the experience. He’s holding my hand, and He’s teaching me to wait, but I can’t even wait unless He’s holding my hand. Gregory, may God make your paths straight as you serve in our military. He’s still holding your hand. I love you. Listen to and watch a performance of the song. Have you read With Great Mercy? October 24, 2007
People who have experienced trigeminal neuralgia or neuropathic facial pain understand that it does not cause death. It is not unusual for those who endure this pain to think about suicide. When I was ill, I prayed to die often. Some people evaluated this prayer and called it depression. People who used this label had not experienced trigeminal pain. Depression often accompanies facial pain. In my own life and from listening to others, I am convinced that depression results from the pain. For those of us know this torment, we see dying as a relief from suffering, stepping from the shadow of death into the Father’s light. This is what I wanted for myself, to die and awake in Heaven. When I see Mary Ann and so many others with cancer fighting for their lives, I am impressed by their determination to live. They resist the shadow of death, making the best of the here and now. I don’t remember the day that I stopped praying to die, but I do remember asking God to help me live. I asked Him to intervene so that I would not perish. Three years ago today, God answered that prayer. I will never forget it. He brought me out of the shadow of death and into His life-giving light. I cannot thank Him enough or praise the Lord enough for His healing and His love. What I want to do is serve Him by helping others who have had so much pain. I cannot cure anyone or give medical advice, but I can meet someone in a place that defies location, a place of understanding and acceptance. We don’t have to meet face to face. Communication transcends distance. Because I have received such a large portion of God’s mercy, my desire is to help people with facial pain and other disabilities. I haven’t written much in my blog lately because I am preparing for a test. It is October 27th and 29th. If you would like to say a prayer for me, I would really appreciate it. If the test has come and gone when you read this entry, and you will say a prayer for me, I would really appreciate it. Just ask God to help me help others. Blessings to you all. Thank God, I am free from trigeminal neuralgia. Free indeed! Have you read With Great Mercy? September 28, 2007 Your own ears will hear Him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left. Isaiah 30:21. Have you ever heard God’s voice? My spirit has "heard" the Lord speak to me, but I have not heard God speak in an audible voice. My heavenly Father’s voice is very clear, though, when my spirit "hears" it. Throughout life’s twists and turns, we are forced to deal with unexpected events. Advice often comes from many different sources, and choosing our next step is difficult. When we face difficult choices, we can have the assurance that God will guide us safely to the next point in our journeys. This assurance does not come easily. It arrives through prayer. Sometimes God sends us confirmation through scriptures or through the words of another person. Then we know in our heart of hearts which way to go. Knowing is just the beginning. As we begin to move forward in God’s will, we may encounter opposition from people with really good intentions. They think their choices for us will produce better results. Other times we may begin to doubt the revelation God has given us. Yet deep down, we know which step to take. God will not abandon us to confront confusion on our own. With His help, we can conquer the doubt that lurks on the left of our minds and to quiet the disapproving messages that loudly echo from the right. Sometimes God directs us to something that seems terribly difficult, a choice that seems risky or unclear. Unlike a GPS system, which is sometimes wrong or outdated, God knows the best route. Even when we do not know where we are going, He does. If you have a big decision to make, God will speak to you. Asking may be the easy part, but waiting for His answer is sometimes quite difficult. When we pray for answers, we can ask God to give us the ability to wait for His direction. He will tell us how to proceed. He will help us while we wait. If you would like to share your concerns with Kathy, please send her an email, write, or join us on the forum. Have you read With Great Mercy? September 18, 2007 But do people know where to find wisdom? Where can they find understanding? Job 28:12 In a world where people are searching for answers, I look at Job’s words and realize that in his suffering, he understood the value of intangible things. His losses included tangible properties and his family, but in this passage he longs for wisdom, something that cannot be seen, touched, or sold at the market place. Last week, I found myself asking God for wisdom regarding health care issues. My best friend, Mary Ann, has cancer.
Our world has gotten so complicated. Not too long ago, a good number of people were taking a prescribed drug for arthritis, only to learn later than this drug is harmful. Sometimes it seems that we have made the wrong decisions, but it is important to investigate therapies and treatments for illnesses. Investigation leads to more questions and more decisions. What proactive things can we do while we wait for healing? If healing does not come, what should we do? What should we take? I have asked myself what I can do for my best friend. To help Mary Ann, I can run some errands or cook a meal for her. She hasn’t asked me to provide foot care yet, but I am ready if that is what she requests from me. I feel as though the most worthwhile thing I can do is to pray that God will heal her as she receives her treatments. I feel confident that He will. I am asking God to give her wisdom about her treatment. Mary Ann and I took a day to go to a mall. I drove, and we walked from one end of the mall to the other and back. Shopping can be excellent therapy. As we made our way from one store to the next, Mary Ann bought some hats. I bought her a red hat, shaped like the commando hat I wore when I was in USAF special forces. I thank God for His holy and powerful forces, for His Spirit that guides us in our daily lives. His Word says He will give us wisdom if we ask for it, and I ask for it in Jesus’ name. Wisdom is more valuable than gold and crystal. It cannot be purchased with jewels mounted in fine gold. Coral and jasper are worthless in trying to get it. The price of wisdom is far above rubies. Job 28:17-18 Have you read With Great Mercy? August 30, 2007 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17. When I was ill, my family did everything they could to help me. God blessed me with a husband, a daughter and a mother who loved me in spite of my inability to participate in everyday life. I think it is probably frightening to get too close to a person who is in incredible pain, but my family loved me and helped me. My mother dedicated herself to prayer and fasting; she refused to give up hope. She persevered in prayer, even when I felt I could pray no more.
I also had a friend, Mary Ann, who refused to give up on me. Mary Ann lives about an hour’s drive away from me, and she would drive over sometimes to spend time with me. I had nothing to give in the friendship, but she was willing to do all the giving. When I first left my teaching position, I got a few calls from my friends at work. I could not talk. I remember hearing their messages as they left them. I wanted to pick up the phone and engage in conversation with them, but it was impossible. As I heard their messages, I realized I was in the process of letting go. I was becoming more isolated. Social isolation is something that often threatens people with neuropathic facial pain or trigeminal neuralgia. Social activities often trigger pain. It causes one to deal with the environment, such as breezes, winds and noise, as a threat. Difficulty interacting with others, problems with being touched and being frequently misunderstood become part of reality. People often find life easier if they just stay home. Mary visited me in my home, continuing our friendship in the midst of my pain and isolation. One time she drove over when I was experiencing grief. My uncle, Jonah Gilbert, had died. I had lost touch with my father’s family, but they had located me to let me know of his death. Although I could not brush my teeth or my hair, I was compelled to go to his funeral. The day before the funeral, Mary Ann came to visit me at my mother's, where I had needed to stay for few days. Mary Ann helped me prepare for the next day, and then she asked if she could do anything else. I asked her if she would scrape the dead skin off the bottom of my feet. Most people would run, but Mary Ann began to work on my feet. I had been taking medication for a long time, and my skin was very dry. The next day was a good one. The Lord gave me a reprieve, and I was able to brush my teeth and hair and to apply cosmetics. I attended the funeral, and I was not ashamed of my feet. A couple days later, I had gone for a ride with my husband. At the front step of my door was a pedicure kit. Mary Ann had left it for me. I thought about something my mom had posted in her beauty shop for many years: A true friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out. That’s Mary Ann, in a nutshell. God has given me a friend who loves me at all times. Have you read With Great Mercy? August 27, 2007 But if it were me, I would encourage you. I would try to take away your grief. Job 15:15 (NLT)
Illness and loss often cause people to examine themselves and to ask what they have done to deserve their current situations. It is not unusual for friends and family to be consulted. Job sought advice from his friends. When I read the discourse between Job and these men, I question whether or not they were really friends. They seem intent upon “blaming the victim.” Job’s friends insist that he has sinned, causing his life to be struck by calamity and sorrow. Job does not accept their blame. To watch someone’s suffering can evoke fear within us. It might cause us to consider that this very thing could happen to us. No one wants to encounter a personal disaster or to be reminded of the suffering experienced when a family member dies. We want to retreat from the pain, but true friends don’t run when life gets tough. Have you ever noticed that at times a person does not want to be encouraged? He or she wants to be heard, just as Job wanted to be heard. One of the most comforting things we can do is to listen to our friend and to withhold judgment. We can pray that God’s Spirit will provide encouragement to all who are concerned in the situation. When the timing is right, we can speak words of support. It is not easy to stay close to someone who is experiencing pain, yet God’s grace is sufficient. He will help us with our own grief, too. God understands suffering. He watched as Jesus bore our pain and sin. He has not forgotten about those who suffer, and he wants us to remember them too. Don’t be afraid to be an extension of God’s hand of mercy. He will help you when you reach out to others. Have you read With Great Mercy? August 16, 2007 Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases Psalm 103:2- 3 Have you ever wondered how mere humans can bless the Lord, the God of most high, the one who created the universe? When I was younger, I pondered this idea often, thinking I was too insignificant to bless God. As my experience with God grew, I realized that our praise blesses God. How amazing it is, the fact that our praise blesses the Lord. If you know me or have been reading my blog, then you know that my jaw has given me problems for years. At one time, I had a serious problem with TMJ or TMD and trigeminal neuralgia. Then God healed me of trigeminal neuralgia. My jaw was fixed also, but by human hands. Then my jaw was injured again during dental treatment. No one could fix my jaw this time, and I realized it was time to ask God for another miracle. I wondered if it were too much to ask. I wondered if I had the faith to trust God with my jaw. After all, I was frustrated by my circumstances. I did not understand why God healed trigeminal neuralgia - a cranial nerve - and then allowed my jaw to go awry and cause facial pain, neck pain and head pain once again. Would God rescue me again? In spite of my frustration, God delivered another miracle Sunday, August 5th. I did not know at the time of prayer that I was healed, but I knew by the next morning that my jaw had been restored. I had not been able to move my jaw at all for several days, but by Monday morning it was as though I had never had jaw pain. I am completely healed and I am praising God for His mercy. I thank God for releasing me from this situation. I thank Him for His forgiveness and love. The benefits of living for Him are more than fringes; they are the essence of freedom. Jesus came to free us. Sometimes freedom comes in the midst of pain, even before our circumstances change. Best of all, we don’t have to earn it or work for it. Freedom is one of God’s most precious gifts. Lord, thank You for your freedom. Thank You for healing my jaw. Thank You for allowing my praise to bless You. Have you read With Great Mercy? August 3, 2007 I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search. Psalm 77:6 Have you ever wanted to hear a song but it was so old that it was no longer available on disc or tape? As an adolescent and a young teen, I enjoyed the music at my church. I lived in Lakeland, Florida. A talented pianist named Mickey Merritt sang gospel music with his parents and his sister. They often performed a wonderful song written by Rusty Goodman. “Until you’ve known the love of God” was one of my favorites then, and it still is almost 40 years later. The song is simple but powerful. “Until you’ve known the love of God” went out of print a few years ago, but I kept searching for it. When I was ill with trigeminal neuralgia, I longed to hear this familiar and inspiring song. Finally, I found it on the Internet, recorded by Keith and Tim. I don’t personally know Keith and Tim, but I got their CD. Now I enjoy their music, and I thank God that they recorded this gem. Here are the words: If you could own all the world and its money, Chorus In if your lifetime you could meet everybody, Through God’s grace, I have had the opportunity to experience His amazing love. I have come face to face with God’s mercy and with Jesus’ saving grace. I listen to “Until you’ve known the love of God” almost every day, and it thoroughly blesses me. If you are interested in this song, you can find Keith and Tim’s website through our links page. If you are looking for God, Jesus is the one and only link. The greatest love one can ever know is just a prayer away. Have you read With Great Mercy? August 2, 2007 Of such an one will I glory: yet of myself I will not glory, but in mine infirmities…Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. 2 Corinthians 12:5 and 2:12
In the middle of the night, I have been awakened. The pain alone does not wake me; it is accompanied by my search for an answer to jaw pain. I don’t understand why it will not resolve. I learned in my counseling classes to never ask why. Why can cause people to become defensive. People are seldom able to give the real reason behind the question why. Knowing that God has all the answers, I ask Him why I have pain in the same area as trigeminal neuralgia. I have not received an answer. From doing my internship at the Trigeminal Neuralgia Association, I got quite an education in the physiology of facial pain. I learned that four types of pain travel along the trigeminal nerve pathway: trigeminal neuralgia (TN); myofascial (or connective tissue) pain; jaw pain; and tooth pain. Often it is extremely difficult to distinguish one type of pain from another because the symptoms overlap. This jaw pain prevents me from doing some things that trigeminal neuralgia stopped me from doing. Many times I cannot talk. This is the most frustrating situation. I enjoy being healed from TN. Being healed means I can sing, chew, talk, and kiss my husband. Before TN, I had taken these things for granted. I am still healed of TN, but once again it is difficult to talk, to chew, to sing, to kiss my husband. My jaw dysfunction prevents these activities. I remember times when I walked outside and yelled “Thank You for healing me, God! Thank You!” My praise seemed too big for my house. I wanted to shout it from my rooftop. I still say praise God, but my words are silent. I am thankful that God hears them anyway. Right or wrong, I am still asking God why my jaw hurts. I want so badly to work for His kingdom. I want to teach; I want to provide counseling. I want to help comfort others. Some people wonder how counselors can help others if they have issues. Counselors need to be able to recognize when they need counseling. I need it now; I especially need God’s counsel. My body is too weak to use the talents He has given me. I need God’s help to reconcile this in my mind. I need His help to find more pleasure in this situation. I thank God for living in a world where the Internet helps us communicate. In spite of not being able to talk, I can still write. I know there are many people with similar frustrations. We need one another for support. I would like to hear from others who have facial pain. I am glad I have God’s support. His word tells us to take pleasure in our infirmities. I take pleasure in God’s strength. I thank Him for sustaining me in the midst of distress. God’s grace is sufficient for me. I say Hallelujah, regardless of circumstances! Have you read With Great Mercy? August 1, 2007 Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:20
If you have been reading my blog, then you know that for the past year or so, my jaw has been causing me a tremendous amount of pain and disability. I had a terrible case of TMD or TMJ a few years ago. I had my jaw (and occlusion) redone by a dentist in Minnesota. I made trips to St.Paul for two years. The work was finished in December 2002. Everything was fine concerning my jaw. Then I saw a dentist in my area. I needed a crown on the tooth that started the trigeminal neuralgia situation in the first place. I had waited eight years for the crown. God had healed me of trigeminal neuralgia one year earlier, so now the time had come to take care of the tooth that had undergone a root canal. After the crown was completed, the local dentist could never get my occlusion just right. I went back to Minnesota to have it adjusted. I got better, but the jaw pain has never really gone away. In fact, plenty of the time, I cannot talk. Talking either causes pain or my jaw locks up. The pain is sometimes difficult to bear. God answers prayer. My jaw is so much better. I can speak today, not even a week after the silent prayer, like someone who has never had jaw pain. In my silence, I remembered how Samson slew a thousand men with the jawbone of an ass. Our jaws are mighty weapons, allowing us to utter words that have the power of both death and life. Whether silent or spoken, I hope to praise God in every situation. That’s my idea of a powerful life. God has given us the weapons we need to win every battle. He is so good. Hallelujah! Have you read With Great Mercy? July 27, 2007 Then fearing lest we should have fallen upon rocks, they cast four anchors out of the stern, and wished for the day. Acts 27:29. When darkness surrounds us, we commonly reach out to turn on a light.
We have lamps by our bedside, a map light in our cars, and lamp posts
in our neighborhoods. Light allows us to function better, to do things
with more accuracy, and to accomplish things with a greater measure
of safety. In the scripture above, Paul is traveling to make an appeal for his life to Caesar. Paul’s life has been threatened time after time, but he is determined to live, determined to spread the gospel. A prisoner being transported via ship, Paul once again faces life safety issues. The ship’s crew is frightened of the rocks that threaten their ability to navigate safely to shore. People who fight for their lives experience one difficult situation after another. The illness may differ from person to person, but often the treatment is almost as terrible as the threat of losing life itself. Even while people suffer, they often have to fight for disability rights and income. Sometimes the stress can make an ill person long for Heaven’s golden shore. Lives are often spared, though, causing us to endure more suffering than we ever dreamt we could tolerate. During these times we see the huge rocks, and we are surrounded by darkness. Like Paul, we have no reason to feel afraid. Fear may surround us, but we have light. God planted it within us when we accepted Christ. With the help of his savior, Paul escaped the threat of the storm soundly. So will we. Life seems to be a series of storms that threaten us. Each time we are challenged to focus not on the rocks or the winds but on our anchor. Even in death, we will be victorious. On our last voyage the rocks will disappear as we face glory. Our Anchor will lead us to the lights of our eternal home. Have you read With Great Mercy? May 29, 2007 I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD. Psalm 118:17 When I read this verse a few days ago, I thought about how I once preferred the thought of dying to the thought of living. Somewhere in the midst of the physical torment, I asked God to help me live. I believed that I could be a living testimony of His mercy. When people experience an extended illness, their spirits begin to weep. Depression becomes a part of their lives. God hears the weeping, and He loves us as we cry out to Him. He makes Himself available to us, walking with us when the seas of life are stormy. To believe we will emerge safely from the storm is not always easy, and it involves fighting the good fight of faith. Doubts and negative thoughts threaten to invade our minds. We have to dismiss them. They are like poison, and we cannot allow them to penetrate our belief in the healing virtue of Jesus Christ.
Somewhere in our spirits, we must resolve to live so we can declare the works of the Lord. We can and should do this before we experience healing. We can take the time to look for God’s handiwork. Has he ever answered one of your prayers? Has He kept you or someone you love safe through a frightening experience? We can live while we are sick. Begin to declare the works of the Lord. Tell someone about how He helped you get through a painful day. Think about the small victories and how they are delivered to us through our Father’s tender mercies. If we can praise God about daily victories, then we will remember to praise Him for our miracles. My mother helped me regain a desire to live. She stayed by my side during the worst of times. Have you read With Great Mercy? May 22, 2007 Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls; Have you ever experienced God’s call? Sometimes it comes in the midst of adversity. There are times I have felt the Lord tugging on my heartstrings, wanting more from me. As I was completing my master’s degree, I realized that I was not giving enough of myself to Him. I felt so tired, so often totally depleted. I was away from home part of each week. My jaw continued to hurt. I felt as though I needed more from God, but I knew He was asking me to give more of myself. God was calling me to give more to my church. In prayer I had talked to the Father about my lack of participation. I realized that it wasn’t really participation that God was interested in. He was calling me to give more time in service to my church and more time with Him.
It was just recently that I asked God how much more of me He wanted. He lovingly reminded me that He wants all of each one of us. Jesus gave His all, and God does not want us to hold back anything from Him. Reminded that Jesus gave His all for me, I stand outdoors on a windy day healed of trigeminal neuralgia. The wind whips at my face, never once smarting from pain as it did so many years. I have enjoyed the winds and the breezes since October 24, 2004. Thank You, Lord. Have you read With Great Mercy? May 17, 2007 But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. John 4:23 Have you ever left a place of worship with excitement? The place might have been a church, someone's home, or even your prayer closet. These are the times in life we never forget because God's spirit makes an impact on our own spirit and our soul. We are changed forever by what we have heard from His still small voice. It is a voice that emerges from the calamity of our lives and gives us confidence that God has our circumstances under control. In the passage above, Jesus is talking to the woman at the well, a Samaritan woman who never expected to hear the voice of the Messiah. She is not a Jew; in fact, she is not esteemed among her own people. Jesus tells the woman of her checkered personal history. She has been married five times and now is living with someone to whom she is not married. Jesus found a woman who had the heart of a true worshipper. It did not matter to Him that she was not a Jew, not one of God's elect. Her place in society did not bother him either. Jesus wanted her heart, not her reputation. He wanted her soul, not her circumstances.
The Samaritan woman considered herself unworthy to draw water for Jesus because the Jews held all Samaritans in low regard. She was surprised that Jesus wanted something from her. Often we humans feel as though we have nothing to give the Lord, but we have can give Him ourselves. He wants our whole heart. It is so easy to hold part of ourselves back from God, yet spiritual blessings come when we worship Him from the deepest chambers of our being. It does not matter what we have done because the Lord is ready to forgive us. All we have to do is ask Him. The Father awaits our worship. A special thanks to Rev. Glenda Watson of South Africa for her inspirational message about the woman at the well. Please see our link to Restoration Ministries. Have you read With Great Mercy? April 28, 2007 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort. 2 Corinthians 1:3
On the way for her final appointment with the veterinarian, I stacked some towels next to my dog with the red robe on top. I wanted it to be unsoiled so I could wrap her in it as we went inside the vet's office. Although she seemed extremely weak, Miss Taylor kept reaching with her paw for the robe. For a moment or two I resisted. I just did not want the robe to get soiled. Then I realized I could not deny her its comfort. I spread the robe underneath her, and Miss Taylor remained on it until she was released from her suffering. We brought the red robe home, placed it back in the floor of the closet, and allowed our other little dogs to examine it. They seem to understand what has transpired. Their presence comforts us, and my family and I comfort them in return. Yesterday I was exhausted. I lay down for a nap, but sleep would not come. I tried to pray, but words would not form. I thought of the red robe, but I knew that an inanimate object would not provide solace for me. Finally I asked the Lord to comfort me, to help me feel as though His very arms were around me. Soon I was asleep. The slumber was deep, and I began to experience restoration. The Lord answered my prayer. When I awakened I felt comforted, as though I had been caressed by my Savior. Reach out for Jesus' scarlet robe. Just as Jesus lives on after His crucifixion, the scarlet robe remains alive. It has been transfigured. No longer a tool of mockery, the scarlet robe shed its disgrace and symbolizes the crimson blood of Jesus. It is the blood of Jesus that covers us, cleansing us from our sins, protecting us from destruction, and delivering our Heavenly Father's tender mercies to us. Don't be afraid to let the Lord know how much you need His comfort. No matter how ill or "soiled" we might be, Jesus' crimson blood has the power to sustain us. Have you read With Great Mercy? April 27, 2007 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness. Psalm 30:11.
Today I have a different type of pain, pain that is called grief. Fifteen years ago, I had the pleasure of choosing a puppy. I named her Miss Taylor. This was two years before I met my husband, and I had no idea that I would one day share a name with my previous pet. Miss Taylor lived up to the canine's calling, being a woman's best friend. For anyone who has owned or loved a dog, explanations about the companionship, the care, or the unconditional love are unnecessary. Yesterday, my relationship with Miss Taylor came to an end. She had been sick on and off for a while. Medication helped. When I arose yesterday, I knew that something about her condition had changed. Although I had mourned the loss of her youth and had mourned the inevitable death of my sweet dog, I had not been faced with knowing that her time of death had really come. Now it was time. What can anyone say about a pet who has loved you during your life's darkest days? It is too soon for me to put my feelings about Miss Taylor into words. She is now in the arms of the One who made her. I must mourn, yet mourning will be for a season. God always restores us with His gladness. I'm so glad He gave me Miss Taylor. Have you read With Great Mercy? April 4, 2007 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Psalm 23:4.
Trigeminal pain can cause a person to be afraid of living rather than dying. Often people with it feel devoured and trapped by the pain. Death is a thought that floats through the surrounding air. It floats like a shadow. The shadow exists because trigeminal neuralgia is not fatal. For people whose pain will not relent, death can seem to be a relief. Would someone rather suffer constantly or go on to be with our Lord? Yet God chooses not to take us in the midst of the pain. The purpose of our suffering seems elusive, futile, and nonexistent. What can people expect when they are waiting for God's mercy? The scripture tells us that mercy follows a visitation. Thou hast granted me life and favour, and thy visitation hath preserved my spirit. Job 10:12. God sustains and nourishes our spirit as we endure the physical torment. His visitation prepares us to receive His good gifts. Through the tender mercy of our God; whereby the dayspring from on high hath visited us, To give light to them that sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace. Luke 1:78-79 . Before God healed me of trigeminal neuralgia, I tried to explain the fear, the darkness, and the shadow of death to others. People often had this reply: There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 1 John 4:17-19 . The question was this: Was I filled with God's love or not? I feared pain but not death. My fear did not leave until I was healed, and I was healed in one moment. Before I was healed, the Holy Spirit visited me. I was assured of God's love and that He would deliver me. I donned the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-17) and fought the good fight of faith. The victory did not come quickly or easily, but when it arrived, it came powerfully. Although God has brought me through the valley of trigeminal neuralgia, I will never forget the fear of the pain. If you are experiencing fear and pain, ask God to visit you. You won't see Him, but He will come. Your ears won't hear Him, but your spirit will. Ask Him to guide you through the valley of the shadow of death. Have you read With Great Mercy? And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16. I just have to take some time to praise God for the wonderful internship He has provided for me. What a blessing it is to talk to people who really need someone to understand pain and circumstances caused by facial pain. I remember needing someone who had experienced it, and for a long time I met no one who had encountered this pain. During phone conversations with people who are experiencing distress, I often want to reach out and to touch the hand of the person to whom I am speaking. Each voice I remember well, and I often mention their circumstances later in the day when I go to the Lord in prayer. It is not unusual to hear people in pain talk of their faith in God's ability to see them through or to take the pain from them. Although I cannot extend my hand to them as we talk, God's hand is always reaching for them. It also reaches for me, reaches for us all, no matter what happens to be the nature our needs. People with facial pain share many of the same needs. The causes of trigeminal neuralgia are not clear, but some things caused by trigeminal neuralgia are obvious. Many people feel as though their lives have been stolen. They often have difficulty get their employers or co-workers to understand their plight. Social activities become increasingly difficult, and anxiety becomes part of every day life. Fear of the pain lurks, sometimes even on the good days. I want to thank God for the good days. In November, my husband and I went to Minnesota to have my bite aligned once more. This time it seemed so simple. Dr. Spahl made the adjustment quickly and with confidence. The pain level in my jaw and head began to descend. Soon Bob and I were enjoying the winter weather of St. Paul. Once again God had made a crooked path straight for me. The path was full of pain, but the fact that I have been healed of trigeminal neuralgia was always clear. The Lord has led me through another unknown path. Because I have had to commute for my internship, I needed a church that was in my home town. I had commuted to a church my uncle pastors for several years. God provided an answer for me, and I have become part of a local congregation. Although my internship is in another city, I am home for Bible study and Sunday services. I am anchored by the love this congregation has for God. I am thankful for the light God has created in what once seemed to be darkness. To venture from my home after being ill so many years was a frightening concept. I wondered if I would succeed. God has been thankful, making a desire into a reality. Through His grace, I will triumph as I cross the finish line of obtaining my master's degree. Have you read With Great Mercy? October 14, 2006 Many are the afflictions of the righteous, But the Lord delivers him out of them all. Psalm 34:19 Lately it seems as though my brothers and sisters in the Lord have confessed the same thing that I have: Life's battles seem to be tougher than in previous years. The battles seem to be more difficult and draining. Although we have joy in the Lord and His comfort, sometimes we grow weary from the fight. We cannot give up. In the midst of my internship, I face yet another challenge. My jaw is out of alignment and is causing tremendous pain. For two years, I traveled from Florida to Minnesota to have it aligned. One simple procedure has caused pain for a year now. The trigeminal neuralgia has not returned, but the symptoms are so alike. Talking and chewing hurt. I thank God, though, that the electrocution-type pains are gone. I do not consider myself a righteous person. I know who I am. I am covered with the blood of Jesus, and because of this fact, I have His righteousness. I have none of my own. Because I am covered with Jesus' love, I have the strength to continue. God has blessed me, and He has made a way for me to help others who have facial pain. I am only a human, and I wonder how God is going to resolve this situation. Have you read With Great Mercy? August 15, 2006 After being in the cave for so long, returning to a "normal" life presents challenges. God wants to restore all of us, and I must allow Him to restore me. This means I must take risks; I must step into a life of purpose. I was working on my master's degree in rehabilitation counseling when the trigeminal neuralgia became unbearable. When I was more than half-way into the program, my pain level peaked, and I could not concentrate. I might have seen this coming if I had listened to my doctor's advice. They were encouraging me to take a semester off. But I did not want to do that. Each course was offered on only once a year, and I thought that the degree was taking long enough. After all, I was not getting any younger. I was planning to start in a new field and would be making even less than I did as a teacher. I was determined to get back on the ladder of success. Finally, I completed the last class. Soon I will begin an internship that allows me to advocate for people with facial pain. My hope has grown, and I want to share it with others. I am one step closer to a "normal" life and one step farther from the cave. Have you read With Great Mercy? October 24, 2005 For an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water; then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had. John 5:4 Have you read With Great Mercy?
For many years, my home has served as a cave. When I became ill with trigeminal neuralgia, I found refuge in my home’s protection. It offered me shelter from the winds that caused electrocution-type pains to strike the right side of my face. My house provided solace from noises that also aggravated the neurological disorder. Yet as time continued, this cave began to reek of isolation. Because I seldom left my house, I began to feel lonely. I no longer felt confident interacting with others, especially in a group. Because the pain grew more severe when I brushed my teeth or washed my face, my desire to leave my shelter began to diminish even further. Several years into the struggle, I realized that I did not want others to even look at me. When the pain reached its highest peak, I was healed by the sacrificial blood of Jesus Christ. I stopped taking my pain medication immediately. I expected to spring back to where I had been seven years before, but my expectations were askew. I remained home, adjusting to life without medicine and without pain. Although I could brush my teeth and apply cosmetics, I remembered the pain every time I began to groom myself. God was faithful, and His mercy brought me through this process unscathed. I recognized the face in the mirror, but my personality had changed so much that I no longer knew what to expect from myself. I spent months after my healing just getting to know who I had become. During this time, I had much time to spend alone with God. I knew that no amount of praise would be adequate, but I wanted to worship my Lord and Savior. As I became more accustomed to life without constant pain, I began to venture out more. I quickly learned that I had to pace myself. I also began to wonder about God’s plan for my life. I realized that I had many decisions to make and knew that I would not be happy if I were not in God’s will. As I began to seek God’s design for my life, the Bible passage above quickened my spirit like a lightening rod. I realized that no need for me to hide existed. God’s love, not my home, protects me. For many years, I went outside only with a scarf around my face in an effort to combat the scalding wind. Through God’s mercy I had endured the wind, survived an emotional earthquake, and I had been healed from the fiery pains that raged in my face. Now the time had come for me to stand on the mountain. As I ascended to a spiritual mountain top, I noticed how exposed I might be once I reached my destination. The top of this mountain has room for only one person, so I stand on it alone. Just as no one could experience my pain while I fought for my healing, no one can experience my victory. When I first stood alone on this peak, I thought I might lose my balance and plummet. Although I have been met with challenges since arriving at this summit, God has sustained me. I have faltered but have not fallen. The mountain on which I stand might be high, but it is solidly comprised of resilient resources: redemption, prayer, faith, love, and the Word of God. I wait here for God’s still small voice. I am not a prophet like Elijah. I am an ordinary person who received a miracle, and I will forever proclaim God’s mercy. |
My mother liked to call herself a “tough old bird,” …but what I remember most about my mom was her love… She loved God, my father, and her “boys.” She protected and disciplined her sons. “Spare the rod and spoil the child,” she often said. Is it any wonder my mother reared one policeman, two ministers, and an architect? I could say a lot of wonderful things about my mother, but let me present this one snapshot. She knew how to influence others… And all her sons have one thing in common: we love the Lord. You know…I knew my mother all my life. She talked about my father with love... “He has honey in his voice,” she said. And she never got angry when my dad joked about being happily married for 60 years but married altogether 66 years. Mom was proud of her sons, and she never seemed to notice that her boys had grown older. In her eyes, we were forever young… In my heart, my mother will be forever alive. 
I went to visit Mary Ann last week. She had quite a few medical appointments. I was amazed at her stamina as we went from one appointment to another. Mary Ann has been presented with opinions that vary quite a bit, and she is the one who must sort through the information. Perhaps others could do this for her, but she is the person who must make the decisions about her medical care.
When people endure tremendous suffering, Job’s experiences are often read, examined and discussed. The Bible clearly displays for us how Job endured multiple sorrows. He lost his children, wealth and health. Although he had been a man of great fortune, suddenly he became a person to be pitied or scorned. His tragedies had an immediate onset, occurring within hours and days of one another. 
Hallelujah! I find it necessary to thank God for a situation that I have experienced for quite a while. My jaw has become extremely fragile, and the pain is terrible. What? Praise God for jaw pain? Yes, that is what I must do. 
I am so happy to be home now and able to give more. I remember the nights away from home and thank God that He was with me. I missed my husband, my family, and my home. Just as God had preserved me in the day, He kept me during the night. His faithfulness paved a way for me to invest more of myself in His kingdom.
When I was out of town for my internship, my family noticed that my dog, Miss Taylor, often slept on the closet floor. I felt bad about being away from her, so I wanted to provide her with as much comfort as I could. I have a red robe that has a lot of texture to it, and Miss Taylor would lie on it if I tossed it on the floor. I put it on the floor of our closet, and this place became Miss Taylor's favorite spot. 
When I was healed, my mourning quickly turned to dancing. God had given me hope and joy in the midst of my suffering, but the desire to dance, to "kick up my heels" with happiness did not occur until the pain left. 
So many people with TN and neuropathic facial pain walk the valley of the shadow of death. The pain, so severe that living through it seems unbearable, causes fear. The fear of the electrocution-type pains is universal for people with TN, and it is something no one can understand unless he or she has experienced this pain. 
And
he [Elijah] came thither unto a cave, and lodged there; and, behold,
the word of the LORD came to him, and he said unto him, What doest
thou here, Elijah?... 11 And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the
mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great
and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks
before the LORD; but the LORD was not in the wind: and after the
wind an earthquake; but the LORD was not in the earthquake: 12 And
after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and
after the fire a still small voice. 13 And it was so, when Elijah
heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and
stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice
unto him…1Kings 19:1-13.