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If you would like to respond to Kathy's blog, you may do so on the forum. We would love to hear from you. Please sign up for membership at this link. November 3, 2008 Then the LORD took hold of me and said, “Get up and go out into the valley, and I will speak to you there.” So I got up and went, and there I saw the glory of the LORD… Ezekiel 3:22-23. After reading my last blog entry, several people have asked me how a valley of tears could become a place of refreshing. It doesn’t make sense if we trust only our senses and our logic. Through our faith in the Lord, though, we learn how a personal valley can become a place to witness God’s glory. Ezekiel – the prophet whom God chose to be watchman for Israel – had no choice but to warn the Israelites about God’s upcoming wrath. No one wants to hear gloom and doom, and this made Ezekiel’s task a painful and dangerous one. Yet he wanted to be obedient, and he was. It was in the midst of this obedience that God led Ezekiel into a valley. The valley represents a place of loss, of weeping, and of mourning. No one wants to be there. Let’s face it: feeling good feels good. Feeling low, sick, bad, unloved, grieved, or feeling pain doesn’t feel good. Our flesh has a disdain for the valley. But sometimes our spirit cries out for it. We’ve heard the adage about being down so low that there is no place to look but up. I think that adage has a lot to do with valleys. Down so low, we’re usually there all alone. That’s when we really long for understanding. No matter who we are or what we need, God understands. In our aloneness, we have the chance to focus on what we can gain from the situation and to ask how we can walk out of the valley and back onto the mountain top. Before we can ascend again, we need to see the beauty of the glory that shines down into the valley. When we’re on the mountaintop, the glory makes it difficult to see anything but ourselves and what is directly around us. But in the valley, the glory becomes so profound. We can see more of God’s creation, and in our solace we can also have a greater experience with Him. When Ezekiel was in the valley, the Lord gave him some instructions. They were not easy to follow, but Ezekiel knew they were from God. He knew because he had just experienced God’s glory. A personal experience with God helps us while we remain in the place of lowness. Having an intimate experience with the Creator fosters spiritual renewal. Our circumstances may not change, but our spirits are revived by the glory. My mother loves a song called “This Valley is for Me.” It’s a beautiful song, and Mom, I dedicate this entry to you. This Valley Is For Me As I look down this mountainside Have you read With Great Mercy? October 20, 2008 I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Philipians 3:13-14 (NLT) Most of us are reminded of the past from time to time. Recently I have been thinking about my past, and how I want my future to be more meaningful than the days that are stored in my memory. Life hasn’t been easy for any of us, so I am hoping you can relate when I say that life has not been easy for me. I love the wisdom I’ve gained along life’s journey, but somehow life has not become any simpler with age. Letting go of my hurtful past has not been easy. I don’t want to return to it, but sometimes I have to deal with the past. I cannot erase it or change it. All I can do is to forgive others, myself, and to remove myself from painful situations I cannot control. I have to remind myself that I am not alone, and that the Lord is with me. As I press on for the future, I know that I cannot carry with me the weight of the past. It took me a long time to forgive. I thought forgiveness would end the sorrow, but it didn’t. If I look at the past, I find that the sorrow is alive. Sorrow can hold a person back, and I want to move forward. I have to let go of the past if I want to finish my race. We can forgive others, but relationships are two-way streets. We aren’t always accepted or loved, no matter how much we forgive or no matter how much we want to be close to someone we love. So I press on to what lies ahead and to be in the place where the Lord is calling me, calling me so that I may receive His prize. Jesus understands what it means to love but to be rejected in return. He pressed on, in spite of the mockery and hatred that followed Him, to the cross. As God’s children, we are expected to look toward the heavenly prize as we participate in life’s race. Our Father will take care of the past and its concerns. God calls us all to find the purpose in the next leg of our race. Help me look ahead, dear Lord. Help me look toward You. Have you read With Great Mercy? October 15, 2008 When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs.
Pain builds up, the dam breaks, and the tears fall onto the ground until they wash out a portion of earth. Then we stand in the valley, waiting, not sure which direction we should go. Even worse, we might not feel as though we can go in any direction. We’re stuck right where we are. Nobody gets out of a valley without walking uphill. It isn't easy, but we have the Lord to hold our hands. He’s not going to yank us out of the valley, though. Maybe we can get motivated to walk out of the valley if we remember the tears that got us there, the tears that helped wash away some of the hurt, the tears that cleansed our broken hearts. We can't undo the tears or the valleys, but we can choose to make that uphill walk. We can choose to hold tightly to the Lord’s hand. Sometimes I have to think about the good things that came from the tears. My tears that hit the ground fed the plants and other beautiful living things. My pain and tears gave life to something else. God isn’t going to let our pain go unnoticed. I'm still climbing upward, and Jesus is holding my hand. Have you read With Great Mercy? October 3, 2008 The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe. Proverbs 29:25 Have you ever met someone that you are afraid of? Maybe it’s not the person but the position. You may have a memory of fear that lingers, a memory of a bully in school or even someone in your family. In my life, I have been afraid of plenty of people. The fear passed long ago, but it is easy to remember. It seems that once we let fear in it grows
very easily. I look around at the circumstances our country currently
faces, and it would be so easy to let the fear in. I will vote in the
election, but my hope and trust is not in the person that I will vote
for. After all, he’s a human, like me. The Lord has promised that we will be safe if we put our trust in Him. How easy is that to do when the dollar has fallen, stocks have plummeted, businesses are failing, and we are involved in a war? It might not be easy, but it is necessary. Sometimes I remember the faith of my childhood. I still place my faith in the same God and His son Jesus, but my faith has changed. I remember singing "He’s got the whole world in His hands, He’s got you and me brother, in His hands…" and I really trusted God. Now trust doesn’t come so easily. Tomorrow seems to be on shaky ground. The Lord has promised that we will be safe if we put our trust in Him. How easy is that to do when the dollar has fallen, stocks have plummeted, businesses are failing, and we are involved in a war? It might not be easy to trust God, but it is necessary. No matter what happens tomorrow, pain or no pain, financial stability or ruin, war or peace, I must find a way to trust the Lord more. It’s not that I just want to be safe, I also want the Lord’s peace. I’ve been deceived by people who never should have had my trust in the first place, but God has never set a trap for me. His love remains constant, and He keeps me safe. He’s got the whole world in His hands. Have you read With Great Mercy? August 25, 2008 But his flesh upon him shall have pain, and his soul within him shall mourn. Job 14:22.
Please God, stop the pain. Stop this thief named pain. I realized that my relationships, my work, my well-being had become secondary to coping with the pain. Not too long ago, I asked God to move this mountain called pain. I tried to think about how Jesus felt when He knew that His death was imminent. It was impossible to comprehend, but it was the only way I could relate to Jesus at that point. I had to relate to His suffering because all I could think about was mine. Some of my friends told me they had asked God why I was having glossopharyngeal neuralgia after being delivered from trigeminal neuralgia. I knew there was no point in asking God why because a direct answer would not come. It’s up to me to understand. It’s up to me to remember that He will not leave me or forsake me. It’s up to me to really believe and receive. As the pain lingered, my prayers began to change. All I could think about was the gospel song that says Lord, don’t move that mountain. Give me strength to climb. It had become apparent to me that God was allowing the pain. Why should I ask Him to stop it? Along with the pain, grief flooded me. I doubted myself. Had I made a mistake? Had I taken a job to help people in pain only to be diverted back into pain myself? I thought about how specific I had been years ago when I had asked God to heal me of trigeminal neuralgia. Now I realize that my intentions were amiss. I didn’t need to be so specific because God knew exactly what I needed. I had been diagnosed also with glossopharyngeal neuralgia, but I did not understand the depths of its pain. I never talked to God about it. Then a few months ago, I began to pray about it and couldn’t stop. Sunday, my church gathered around me to pray for me, and I felt the burden lift from me. From a position of faith, I prayed Thank You, Lord, for stopping the pain. I’ve only had one day full of pain since then. I don’t know how God gave me the strength to climb the mountain. I only know that His mercy saw me through. And if more symptoms follow, I know that His grace is sufficient. I’ve been shaken by this “affliction,” even though the Word instructs us differently. I just want to thank God for helping me believe and receive. Have you read With Great Mercy? July 10, 2008 I cried unto thee, O LORD: I said, Thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living. Psalm 142:5. The pain of glossopharyngeal neuralgia became almost unbearable. For months the pain persisted, and then I began to have difficulty talking, swallowing, and eating. By the time I got home from work, I did not want to communicate with anyone. The phone was out of the question, and I was not able to go to church or other events. I was so fatigued that I did not want to sit at the computer and hammer out emails after I got home. I needed a refuge from the pain. My mom was here with me, and she posted Bible scriptures everywhere. But the thing that was the absolute best was being able to tell God everything without having to utter a word or to type a message. I prayed in silence. Those hours alone with God gave me great strength. Nothing was pouring out of me, but God’s love and strength continued to pour in. I received letters and other types of communication from people who know that the Lord set me free from trigeminal neuralgia. Was I angry with God, they wanted to know. Had I asked God why? No and no are my answers. I knew that I was under the wing of God’s Holy Spirit, safe from harm. Pain doesn’t mean that we are harmed. It has more purposes than I can imagine. I don’t like it, but in the midst of the pain, I knew that God was still with me, not angry, but helping me face a tough situation that I didn’t understand. In my time of refuge with Him, I gained peace. My confidence in the sufficiency of His grace continued to grow. I have been seeing a chiropractor in Gainesville who practices the Grostic method. Some people call it upper cervical chiropractic. In one treatment, I felt so much better. I have continued to get better every day. In the past few days, I have regained the cognitive ability that I had several months ago before the pain began. I’m “back in the land of the living.” God provided exactly what I needed as I found refuge in His love. Have you read With Great Mercy? June 16, 2008 In Your strength I can crush an army;
Not too long after I started my new career, I began to have some terrible pains. It felt like nerve pain between my ear and my jaw. Anyone who knows my story knows that I have had a lot of jaw problems. I also have pain in my right shoulder area. I began to have physical therapy. Then the electrocution-type pains began to hit my neck. They seemed to radiate from that spot between my right ear and jaw. Well… enough about the pain. How can someone whose work is all about cranial nerve disorders not recognize the signs of glossopharyngeal neuralgia? When my neurologist mentioned it to me, I was stunned. Years ago, I had been diagnosed with glossopharyngeal neuralgia. I thought of it as part of trigeminal neuralgia, not realizing how separate from each other they actually are.. Trigeminal neuralgia is still gone. In the meantime, I am trusting God to take this current pain from me. I have medication that helps deal with the symptoms. I’m allergic to the anti-seizure medications that work to keep the pain away. Again I have days that I cannot talk. I cannot chew or brush my teeth. I thank God, though, that I can put on my make-up, stand in the wind, and not worry about a sheet brushing against my face. I also thank Him for giving me a job where my supervisor and my co-workers understand my limitations. My mom has been staying with me, cooking, cleaning, and reassuring me. I thank God for her. In the past few months, I have been terrified by the pain and my fear of losing the new life that the Lord has given me. As I rise each day, I think about the armor of God. I ask God to help me use it for His glory. And I ask myself that if God is for me, who can be against me? I never dreamed my path would become so steep. With God’s help, I can climb to a new level in His plan for my life. It’s His strength I am counting on, not mine. And I don’t question whether or not God will heal me. I just thank Jesus because I know that healing is on it’s way. Have you read With Great Mercy? April 28, 2008 Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12 Have you ever waited and waited for something? I had two prayer requests before the Lord for several years. I wanted to move to a more urban area, and I wanted to counsel individuals who must deal with physical pain. In spite of my best efforts, my circumstances did not change. I continued to wait. When an opportunity to accept my dream job came along, I moved swiftly. I had been waiting for it so very long, and I had the support of my husband, my mother, my daughter, and my friends. The change has been full of challenges, but I cannot remember a happier time. Every day I am humbled when someone trusts me enough to tell about his or her pain. We humans have to make sacrifices often, and one of the things I have sacrificed is the amount of time of interaction I spend with my friends on the With Great Mercy forum. I miss them. I miss my mother and my husband, whom I don’t see as often as I did before. I live an hour from them both, and that is the biggest sacrifice of all. I see them often, and I am close enough that my husband and I can have dinner together in the evening if we want. Now I reside in an urban area, and it has plenty of dining and shopping. I love it. I thank God for giving me the desire of my heart and for filling my life with the hope of helping others. He has given me a chance to bear fruit. With this opportunity has come some incredible challenges, but this tree is planted by the river of life. I shall not be moved. Have you read With Great Mercy? March 24, 2008 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) When God formed me, He knew that I would be a person with a plan. As a young woman, I wondered about God’s plan for my life, but to find this perfect plan seemed too difficult. So I made my plans and began to work them, but we all know that life seldom follows our plans. Trigeminal neuralgia put a halt to most of my plans. It forced me to live life only one moment at a time; the thought of tomorrow was something my mind could no longer grasp. When the Lord took this illness from me, people asked me what I was going to do next. I wasn’t prepared for the question because I had become accustomed to living one day at a time. I still needed two classes and an internship to finish my master’s, and the decision to finish my degree kept me busy for quite a while. When I finished my internship, I wondered where God would lead me next. What was the plan? I continued to prepare for my future. I began the ordination process, and I completed the application to sit for the certified rehabilitation counselor exam. I wondered if these things would ever gel together, and I longed to work again. It was a time to wait, a time to pray, and a time to trust God. A few weeks ago, I began working for an organization that assists individuals with facial pain. This was my hope for my future, to bring comfort to people who are dealing with the type of pain that was once a part of my daily life. I cannot remember too well what I had planned for my life before trigeminal neuralgia came to steal and destroy. I just know that what I have now just has to be better. What the Lord has given me is the best plan, better than one I could have designed on my own. Have you read With Great Mercy? February 25, 2008 And he saw them toiling in rowing; for the wind was contrary unto them: and about the fourth watch of thenight he cometh unto them, walking upon the sea, and would have passed by them. But when they saw him walking upon the sea, they supposed it had been a spirit, and cried out: For they all saw him, and were troubled. And immediately he talked with them, and saith unto them, Be of good cheer: it is I; be not afraid. Mark 6:48-50. If you have trigeminal neuralgia or neuropathic facial pain, you may understand how contrary the wind can be. I remember how it scalded my face and caused electrocution-type pains to rivet through me. For many years the thought of wind, the experience of trigeminal pain, and the approaching of the night caused me to have great fear. In this passage in Mark, the disciples had just experienced a miracle. They had watched Jesus bless five loaves of bread and two fish. Through His blessing, the loaves and the fishes multiplied and fed a multitude. Firsthand, the disciples saw Jesus do what no human could. With little time to bask in the glory of this event, the disciples climbed into a boat to cross the sea. Jesus was not with them, and they encountered the wind’s turbulent resistance. They became afraid, and they did not recognize Jesus as He walked toward them. These mere humans forgot about the miracle they just witnessed. Several years ago, fear stopped me from realizing Jesus was with me. I believed if the pain would leave, so would the fear. I did not understand that faith had to remain strong in spite of the pain. Jesus witnessed of Himself to my spirit. He asked me to have faith in Him, to seize His peace, and to overcome my fear. My mind and my flesh resisted this message, and I continued to ask for healing. I did not want to find solace in the fact that Jesus was approaching in the midst of the storm. I just wanted the wind to stop. I wanted the assurance of healing before I was ready to relinquish the fear, but I learned faith does not work that way. The Lord wanted me to recognize His presence that was with me. He wanted me to remember some of the wonderful things He had done for me throughout my lifetime. I had difficulty remembering because the fear was like a fog that made things cloudy. The pain raged against me, causing me to panic – to panic as the disciples did when they rowed vigorously against the wind. I’ll never understand just how the Lord helped me overcome my fear, but I know it was a process. As I cried out to Jesus for His mercy, He drew close to me. He reached out and touched me and made me whole again. The wind still blows, but it does not hurt. It feels so good against my face. As night approaches, I have no fear. Even when I don’t recognize His presence, Jesus is always with me. Have you read With Great Mercy? February 13, 2008 And so it was, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed; and
when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed. But
Moses’ hands became heavy; so
they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it. And Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; and his
hands were steady until the going down of the sun. Exodus 17:11-12. (NKJV)
Although I have read the Old Testament several times, last week I read something about Moses that caught my attention. Moses stood at the top of a hill with the staff of God in his hands while Joshua fought against the Amalekites. When Moses’ hands and arms grew tired, he could not continue to hold them up. Joshua and the warriors of Israel were victorious as long as Moses could keep his hands up, but when he lowered them (and consequently the staff), the strength of the Amalekites began to overtake Joshua and his army. Hur and Aaron stood with Moses, on
the hill, watching the battle. Their stance was one of commitment, and they
understood the power of unity. When Moses’ hands grew so tired he could no
longer keep them raised, Aaron and Hur held Moses’
arms up for him. Through their combined strength, the Israelites defeated the
enemy.
Do we still stand with others in the same manner that Hur and Aaron stood with Moses? I do not see unity of this magnitude existing in the body of Christ. I include myself in this observation. Sometimes I hit the mark, understanding that my life is not about me. Most often, though, I make plans that center around my own needs and desires as well as the needs of my family members. In other words, I’m busy. The account of Aaron and Hur has helped me understand that standing with someone, a church leader or a brother or sister in Christ, is more than praying with him or her. It might mean staying by someone’s side during a tough time or assisting them with their responsibilities. Defeating the enemy requires a common strength and energy and the commitment to lend my own strength to someone in need. Aaron and Hur understood the significance of the battle against Amalek. God does not give us insight into everyone’s battle, but at times He calls us to stand with others while their battle rages. Few people understand the intensity of neuropathic pain or trigeminal neuralgia that can rage within an individual’s face. I cannot take this pain from someone, but I understand the significance of it. When I endured this pain, my mother held my arms up for me. I remember her getting me out of my bed and having me stand. She stood with me. At times we had a third person stand with us, but most often it was my mother who held my hands up while the battle raged. Praise God, she would say. Don’t accept defeat. If you are standing alone in your battle against facial
pain, our members will help support you in prayer and friendship. We can’t take your pain from you, but
we will hold your arms up. If you do not want to accept defeat, we will stand
with you.
Have you read With Great Mercy? February 1, 2008 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine. Song of Solomon 1:2. I love the Song of Solomon because it celebrates the beauty of our five senses. Kisses, whether they come from a spouse, a child, or a parent are marvelous things. My grandmother was a really affectionate person, and I inherited a lot of her personality traits. I am one who likes to kiss my family and even my friends on the cheek. To me, it is an act of innocent love. When I had trigeminal neuralgia, it was almost impossible for me to express my love with a kiss. If it came to the right side of my face or my mouth, then the electrocution-type pains would bolt through my face. One day, my husband asked me why I turned my head when he kissed me, giving him only a partial kiss. He felt as though I was turning away from him. I was shocked when he asked me this question. The answer seemed so simple to me, but he was not aware that I experienced terrible pain from even a light kiss. I explained the situation, and I know he believed me. Something beautiful, though, had been taken from us. I had to be approached with caution. Gone were the days when affection could be displayed easily. No more hugs from the right side, where I had trigeminal neuralgia, could be tolerated. As the pain grew worse, I did not want to be hugged at all. Then the day of the Lord’s healing me came. How we celebrated it. I began to kiss and hug. My husband bought me a new line of cosmetics to celebrate the fact that I could touch my face. We went out for dinners to celebrate, and I would choose things that were difficult to chew, things I had not eaten in years. Afterwards, I could brush my teeth. Being able to brush my teeth gave me the freedom to kiss without being self-conscious. With Valentine’s Day approaching, I think of all the kisses that will be shared and the dining out that will occur. I thank God that I can be a part of it. I can’t help thinking, though, about the people with trigeminal neuralgia and neuropathic facial pain who may not be able to enjoy a kiss or a meal at a favorite restaurant. Not too many people understand how painful a kiss can be or how frightening it can be to dine in public, but we who have experienced it really understand one another. In spite of the isolation, people with facial pain really bond when they meet one another. The rest of the world might not really understand our actions and our hesitancies, but our understanding of these things is implicit. I am saying a prayer that you will be able to receive a hug or a kiss this Valentine’s Day. His love is better than wine. Have you read With Great Mercy? January 17, 2008 For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee. Isaiah 41:13 At the end of October 2007, I took my Certified Rehabilitation Counselor (CRC) exam. I had begun my master’s program in 2002. Approximately two-thirds into the program, I had to stop completely. The pain from the trigeminal neuralgia had become so violent that I could not study or function. After I was healed, I decided to finish my degree in rehabilitation counseling. I did not want to, and going back to finish was terribly difficult. My heart was not in it, but the Lord gave me the grace to complete the course. By the time I was done, the program had taken five years.
I was still having a lot of problems with my shoulder and jaw, so my neurologist and I agreed that it would be better for me to ask to take the exam in two sessions. I made the arrangements to take the test at a library. Then I began to study. The more I studied, the more I realized I had forgotten. I put everything I could on hold so I could study more. For months and months I studied for the test. Finally, I felt prepared. I went to the library at the appointed time, and the exam began. Many of us think of libraries as quiet places, but they normally have quite a bit of activity. My proctor and I were in a study room reserved for us. Immediately outside the room were two large computerized book returns. Each machine made a unique sound when a book was returned. The sounds were loud and terribly distracting. My head began to hurt, and I realized that I was reading each question three to four times. It had become impossible to concentrate, and I began to panic. When we spoke to the librarian, we were moved to a quiet room. Realizing I was not comprehending the test questions, I knelt down and called on God. I did not know what else to do. The fear inside me had rapidly grown, and I felt lost. Months of intense study seemed to float out the window. The five years between some of the courses and the test came to the forefront of my mind. It seemed that the odds were against me, but as I prayed, God reminded me that He was with me. I knew that He had plans for me, and that if I really needed to pass this test, I would. I had to wait nine weeks to get the results. Those nine weeks seemed like a year, but I passed. I passed because God kept His promise. In spite of the noise and my headache, God saw me through. Many Christians in the United States feel as though we are losing some of our rights. I agree, but I am thankful that in a public building, we still have the right to kneel and pray. I thank God for the opportunity to call on Him in a public place without facing persecution. In a day when it is so easy for me to complain about the country in which I live, I want to thank God for my freedom and for my CRC credentials. One day I am going to go back to the same library, kneel, and thank Him again for taking my fear and giving me success. Have you read With Great Mercy? January 14, 2008 Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalm 37:4.
People who have had trigeminal neuralgia or neuropathic facial pain have many things in common. I am amazed by all the people who began to experience facial pain after having a root canal. That’s when I began to have pain, too. I had trigeminal neuralgia and an advanced case of TMJ or TMD. When people contact me and tell me of their experiences, they have often not communicated directly with another person who has their symptoms. I learn that people have become quite isolated, and I understand the isolation just as much as I understand the depth of their pain. They also tell me about how difficult it is to be diagnosed and to explain the intensity of the pain to their friends, family, and employers. People who have experienced trigeminal neuralgia or other types of facial pain don’t understand how something that isn’t fatal can hurt so terribly. When people don’t understand the pain is real, their lack of empathy can cause the person who suffers to experience the pain of feeling alone. I know the aloneness, and I know the beauty of being set free from the pain. Although I have been healed for more than three years, I cannot walk away from my desire to hear the stories of people who suffer and the desire to pray for people who have facial pain. I am encouraged every time someone with facial pain trusts me to hear his or her story. I was listening to Joyce Meyer recently, and she was talking about how she asked God for a thousand people at her meetings, but when she had a thousand, she then asked God for more people. I understand her desires. I am asking God to hear from more people with facial pain and other disabilities. I am not satisfied. I know there are more people who want prayer and to communicate with others who have pain. We have a tiny network of people who encourage one another, but my vision is for more growth. I want to see more people involved in encouraging and “listening” to one another. Psalm 37:4 tells us that if we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us our hearts’ desires. Today I am surveying my heart. I have been trying to accomplish things for the Lord, but I am not so sure I have really worshiped Him lately, worshiped Him in a way that brings delight to my being. I want to thank God for the things I have accomplished through His grace. In 2007, I completed my master’s degree in rehabilitation counseling. I studied for the national Certified Rehabilitation Counselor (CRC) exam, and passed. I applied for ordination, was approved, and now I am ordained. I could not have accomplished any of this without the Lord, my family, my pastor, and my dear friends. This morning, I was talking to my daughter about my heart’s desire, and I realized that I must talk more to God about this desire. He has been preparing me to be effective. I do not understand how I am going to reach people in pain, but God knows how to give me my desires. It’s my desire to serve Him in a way that will help people with facial pain. Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5. I am asking the Lord to help me trust Him more. Have you read With Great Mercy? December 19, 2007 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4. Life is full of its many seasons. Although some are really difficult, we can find beauty that surfaced even during the tough times, the times when we weep. What can one do, though, when so many seasons seem to occur simultaneously? For my family and me, this December has been a time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance. Today is a day of mourning as well as a day of celebration. I just got home from my mother-in-law’s memorial service. As a family, we came together to mourn our loss and to celebrate Millie’s “graduation.” That’s what her son Roger called it. He said that we were just saying “see you later” until we reach the home beyond this one. We laughed together and cried together. It was only ten days ago that I was ordained, December 9th. It was a day to dance with the joy of the Lord. Immediately preceding my ordination, I wrestled with the message that God had given me to share with my church. So many times I wanted to tell my pastor: “I’m not called to preach! God has given me other gifts, but not the gift of preaching!” As I prepared the sermon, I groaned, I moaned, and I wept. How can one deliver a sermon she does not understand? Breakthrough came, and God revealed to me the depth of the message. Just before I was to deliver the message to the congregation, my pastor, Reverend Robin Tripp, Thelma Hensley, Becky Clark, and Amanda Ramos sang It’s My Desire. I was not familiar with the song, but the words of it penetrated my spirit. IT'S MY DESIRE Even though it was a time to dance, I wanted to weep. While the worship team sang the song, I fought back tears. I came home, though, and purchased every rendition of it I could find. It was a time to be blessed, and I was blessed by this song. In the midst of the Christmas season, life and death march on. I have wanted to stop for a “breather,” but the opportunity has not existed. I’ve wondered how people manage to celebrate Christmas when a loved one passes so close to Christmas Day, but now I know. God’s grace is sufficient for every season, even when they merge into one. God bless you this Christmas. I’d like to share with you the brief tribute my husband Bob paid to his mother today. In honor of Millie Taylor…
Have you read With Great Mercy? November 2, 2007 I will bring the blind by a way they did not know; I will lead them in paths they have not known. I will make darkness light before them, And crooked places straight. These things I will do for them, And not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16 (NKJV) Sometimes I am totally blind. My eyes see, but they don’t know where to lead me. My path is etched, but I do not see it. These are the times that challenge me the most: I want to take my next step, but I can’t see it. I must remain where I am and wait for the Lord’s direction. Most people don’t like to wait, and I am one of them. One reason that waiting frustrates me so is that years of my life were stolen by trigeminal neuralgia. Now that God has healed me, I want to charge ahead. I want to pursue life. I know that my waiting has a purpose. I must continue to pursue God and His will. This includes taking stock of His blessings. While I wait for direction, I can take inventory of my life and see what God has done for me. If I really want to see these blessings, I must take the time to look. As I write, the words to a song come to my mind: I can’t even walk. It’s a song that has been around a long time, but I was unfamiliar with it until I heard my cousin, Gregory Whitson, sing it. Here are the words, written by Colbert and Joyce Croft: I thought that number one would surely be me, Have you ever asked God to hold your hand? Last blog entry, I wrote about a test. I felt prepared and confident, but when I arrived at the testing site, something unexpected happened. As a result, I could not concentrate. I realized that if God did not help me, I would have no chance in succeeding. I no longer felt prepared, only humbled. I don’t know if I passed or not, but I know that God gave me comfort through the experience. He’s holding my hand, and He’s teaching me to wait, but I can’t even wait unless He’s holding my hand. Gregory, may God make your paths straight as you serve in our military. He’s still holding your hand. I love you. Listen to and watch a performance of the song. Have you read With Great Mercy?
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Have you ever noticed how much better you can feel after having a few good cries? Sometimes it seems that one cry just isn’t enough. I've been pondering why we sometimes go through a valley of tears instead of a mere puddle. 
Please God, stop the pain. Have you ever said a prayer that consisted mostly of these words? When we are having so much pain, it’s difficult to think about anything else. Pain clouds our vision, our thoughts, our hearts. Pain can make it difficult to focus on our Lord. 
When we step out in faith, we can be assured that our walk will sometimes lead us to difficult places. I am in a difficult place, but God is with me.
I thought about how an architect draws a plan. It has to be in place before site work and construction can begin. The plan must be drawn before construction can begin. An inspection occurs before the building is ready to be occupied. How long would it take for this temple named Kathy to be ready?
Upon completion of my degree, I had another decision to make. Should I take the CRC test? I could find a job without it, but with the CRC credential, one’s qualifications are stronger. I decided to take the six hour test.
Have you ever wanted something really badly, but cannot find a way to bring it to fruition? (Please say yes.) What I want is to help people who have facial pain and other types of disabilities. I don’t want to be a physician, a nurse, or a pharmacist. The Lord did not give me those talents, He gave me other gifts. He gave me an ability to be empathic, to be able to relate to the pain that other people experience.
My mother liked to call herself a “tough old bird,” …but what I remember most about my mom was her love… She loved God, my father, and her “boys.” She protected and disciplined her sons. “Spare the rod and spoil the child,” she often said. Is it any wonder my mother reared one policeman, two ministers, and an architect? I could say a lot of wonderful things about my mother, but let me present this one snapshot. She knew how to influence others… And all her sons have one thing in common: we love the Lord. You know…I knew my mother all my life. She talked about my father with love... “He has honey in his voice,” she said. And she never got angry when my dad joked about being happily married for 60 years but married altogether 66 years. Mom was proud of her sons, and she never seemed to notice that her boys had grown older. In her eyes, we were forever young… In my heart, my mother will be forever alive. 